In January 2024, I signed up to compete in a beauty pageant. Despite being a wonderful experience, my intent for competing wasn’t just to win the crown; I was running away from something. The boogie man? No. Bouj? Not this time. I didn’t see my choice to compete as an issue early on, but Bouj did.

When I received my acceptance letter to compete in the pageant, I announced my achievement to anyone who would listen and especially to those who were concerned if I was riding my mother’s back. During that time, two years after graduating from college, I was still receiving rejection letters left and right for full-time jobs. So I thought that if I competed then it would stand out on my resume and become acquainted with women in various fields.

Despite working a part time job and pursuing my passions at the same time, Bouj warned that there’s a ticking clock on when the world expects to see concrete evidence on what I’ve been doing with my time. And if I have nothing to show, then it must be in the form of a consistent check. So, I was sweating profusely but the pageant gave me something to look forward to.

However, my excitement was cut short after reviewing what I would be judged on; interview, gown and bikini! That was definitely outside my comfort zone but it was too late to back out. You may wonder, why the hell did I sign up for the pageant in the first place then? Well, I was in a rush to make a change in my life.

After my college graduation, I was often met with this question; “So, what’s next Yani?”. I despised being asked that because I had no idea of what I was doing other than wanting to get hired. The only other safe options to answer were:

• Go back to school for however long as I can (someone gave me that advice)
• Travel the world!
• Make money!
• Pursue a passion project.

Option (C) seemed like the right route to go on despite coming into contact with a lot of dead ends.